Sometimes, you just need to cry

This past week has been very humbling and I finally broke tonight.

All week long, I have been putting off my emotions – struggling to feel numb because I couldn’t bear the pain anymore. There’s too much going on… too many people involved… and my past has a way of creeping up on me that can rip me to pieces with a mere thought.

But at the end of the day, God is still God and I’m still His. And that has to be enough.

I am self-sufficient in His sufficiency alone. He has carried me through this week in rescue – rhoumai. He has drug me from where I was broken, bleeding, cracked, and dry unto Himself. He has drawn me near.

He stripped everyone away tonight. No one I could confide in is here but Him. I don’t have my phone because I gave it to Chelsea, knowing I would not be able to trust myself – knowing I would be gone as soon as possible – running to my past instead of to my Comforter in the present.

Images from the life I once lived keep flashing through my mind… and they tell me that I’m not worth it.

Each is a lie – a fiery arrow being cast at my shield of faith. They have yet to pierce me, but I’m still afraid that one day, my shield will fail and I will collapse like the rest.

Perfect love drives out fear. God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and of a sound mind.

This promise is mine!

But how do I grasp it? How do I reach out and take it – to claim it as my own? I doubt the length of my arm.


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