The past few weeks have been quite a process, but a good one.
I have been able to come home and enjoy being home; I have been steadily growing; I have been sorting out what became so jumbled toward the end of the semester; I am finding rest; I am being prepared for leadership this fall in a way that God has never prepared me before; I am learning to be content in each moment.
I am being made smoother day-by-day – Christ is working in me and ironing out my wrinkles while preparing me for the new ones He will reveal in the coming seasons.
And I am excited – for life here, for life in Fort Collins this fall, for being a servant devoted to His work, for music, for writing, for all that He has given to me.
I am learning to be grateful, despite the circumstances.
I am learning not to worry about what is beyond my control.
I am learning to lean like never before.
And I am learning how much I need self-discipline.
Tozer’s “The Prayer of a Minor Prophet” has been a major point of conviction for me over the past few days.
“Let me not waste my days puttering around the house. … Deliver me from overeating and late sleeping. Teach me self discipline that I may be a good soldier of Jesus Christ.”
Coupled with Psalm 119, which I am spending time memorizing and meditating upon, I have been recognizing how little control I truly have over what I do with my days, over what I do out of obedience.
“You have laid down precepts that are to be fully obeyed.
Oh, that my ways were steadfast in obeying Your decrees!
Then I would not be put to shame when I consider all Your commands.
I will praise You with an upright heart as I learn Your righteous laws.
I will obey Your decrees; do not utterly forsake me.”
“By obeying one learns to obey.” [[George MacDonald]]
I keep praying that I would be forced into diligence – that I would not waste my days “puttering” about the house.
I am here to rest, but not to be utterly useless. Oh, that my ways were steadfast in obedience!
But at the end of the day, I can simply pray that I am a changed child – that I am “just a little smoother” in His hand.
Praise be to the God that is determined to smooth our wrinkles.
Mood: Expectant Listening to: Nichole Nordeman, Wide Eyed
Reading: A.W. Tozer, “We Need Sanctified Thinkers”