How cool is it that I actually sleep well here at school?
Pretty darn cool.
Anyway… the past few days have been somewhat insane. Half of the time, I have had little to do but go to 1SW and lie down on the couch in Dave and Stephen’s room and, the other half of the time, I have had too many choices!
I’ve been meeting the girls on the floor, slowly but surely, and they seem to be pretty cool. I feel old, though. The guys think I’m cracked.
I just got in from hanging out with Nick (he was on-call tonight, so I hung out with him until he got a call). God’s really stretching him (as He is with all of us, it seems) and it was good to talk with him face-to-face about some of what has been going on instead of trying to get in a good conversation over a phone call. We walked around campus for a while, which was really cool. It’s such a beautiful night.
Dave, Stephen and Chris are all bunked into one room… it’s quite interesting. The RAs think their creativity construction-wise is one of the coolest things they have seen, even if it is probably against university policy.
It’s been quite a whirlwind of emotions since I’ve been here. I keep questioning whether my heart is in the right place and, if it isn’t, I keep asking what I can do to get it in the right place.
I honestly don’t think that half of what guys say to girls actually registers… it’s just left to the girls to deal with what comes out and, hopefully, not overanalyze it.
I keep bouncing back and forth between extremes. One moment, I’m so grateful to be here and excited for what God has planned for the coming days… the next, I’m remembering that Nathan was going to be here or trying not to overanalyze something in my quest to acquire patience in waiting.
How do you “snag a man” (totally not my term) without initiating anything? That’s the question of the year. 🙂
But nights like tonight remind me that my life could consist of worse things than rumors and awkward moments… and messages like the one Pastor Kevin gave tonight remind me that I do not devote my energy to what I need to (the story of the woman washing Jesus’ feet with her tears and annointing His feet with perfume, found in Luke).
When was the last time I merely sat at my Savior’s feet and wept tears of gratefulness instead of anguish?
It constantly amazes me how one day in the dorms can teach me more than I could begin to fathom. I am so blessed by my brothers and sisters who live here and hang around… I am so incredibly blessed!
So, while I fight myself over whether or not my heart is in the right place, God always manages to sneak in the part about it not really mattering… if only the one would cease to exist.
As for now, I’m in trouble.
May God have mercy on my weakness. ‘Night.
Mood: Contemplative Listening to: Monarch, The Grandeur that Was Rome
Reading: C.S. Lewis, The Silver Chair