The last couple days have been kind of crazy with starting classes and Bible study and all sorts of stuff, not to mention the fact that I have been extremely distracted by my own personal brainwaves…
Monday night, I was up until 1:30am at the front desk, talking with Eddie while he was working. To be honest, I don’t know if I encourage people or depress them when I talk for hours like that. I always come away feeling challenged, but I have no idea what the other perspective is.
We had introductory meetings for the MVCC Bible study Monday night and last night, and they both seemed to go well. There are definitely some things about being leadership that are going to be a challenge, but I recognize that God has placed me here for a reason.
A lot of our conversation lately has been about dating, relationships, and marriage. For that reason (among others), I feel really old. There are so many freshmen around here who are not concerned at all about whether or not they might get married, have kids, or ever date again… they’re more concerned with being away from home for the first time, keeping their grades up, and finding creative ways to eat food from the dining hall.
Which you would think I would be concerned about, too… but instead, I’m focused on this large, obscure topic.
Am I supposed to get married? If so, to who? When? What if the right person never initiates anything? What then?
Dave and I had the chance to sit down and talk about some of this stuff last night while everyone else was out (Chels was working and most everyone else was at a bonfire). I understand that I am not meant to initiate anything, nor really do anything (purposefully) that might have the motive of initiation. Dave (and just about every other guy I’ve talked to) is afraid of being rejected and/or hurting the feelings of a girl who actually does like him.
So where does that leave any of us? If the men are afraid of action and the women are not called to it, then how does anything get done? Is it “impossible” to start a relationship? What about Ruth and Tamar with their responsibility to the customs of their culture?
Chels and I vented last night, to be honest… and the guys fell asleep. I feel as though the “right person” will never speak up due to some irrational fear of my saying “no” and then I will be left with one of two choices:
Settling for second-best or becoming an old spinster who throws cats at small children.
And I don’t like cats! I don’t want to have to own cats in order to project them into the air…
But I have such a strange feeling of calm this morning… almost as though I just needed to vent in order to finally rest.
I don’t want to end up alone, but right now, I just don’t seem to care. Strange indeed.
I’m going to make my bed now ’cause Nick’s coming over to hang out. So… yeah. I’m out.
Mood: Calm Listening to: Smalltown Poets, Third Verse
Reading: Working with Words