I don’t sleep well at home. It’s too weird to not have someone breathing in the same room as me.
And, for whatever reason, I just can’t manage to turn my brain off.
I miss people. I’m always thinking of what else I have to do. The pile of stuff on my floor overwhelms me. There always seems to be pressure to work and, when I can’t find work, to keep looking.
It’s just that job-hunting is one of my most-despised things to do. I always feel I’m being rude or out-of-line when I walk into a store and ask if they’re hiring. But I do it anyway. And, still, no work.
I just have to keep praying that this summer will be different – that I’ll manage to find enough work to keep me busy and to keep my mind off of my habitual thought patterns.
For so many people, summer means freedom but, for me, it so often just seems like a waste of my time.
I’ve got to figure that one out.
A few things did get checked off of my list today, though, so I’m grateful for that. Tomorrow, I hope to accomplish more (including a job interview and some errands for my parents). There’s too much to do and too much time to do it in (from my current point of view) – that just isn’t enough motivation for me.
Right now, I’m looking at this insanely long list and my only response is that I can get started on it but, from now, I still have three months to get everything done – that’s not purposeful or productive at all.
And I can hardly say that it glorifies God at all to have that attitude.
Which I’m working on, see… I need to glorify God in everything, even when it’s not what I would have chosen for myself, because He has chosen this time for a specific purpose whether I understand it or not.
I can trust in that sovereignty, though I so often fail in doing so.
Just hit my head on the wall accidentally, so I guess it’s time for me to try and sleep. If this keeps up for another week and a half, Insomniac Summer No. 2 will have struck. Please pray that doesn’t happen.
Mood: Worn Listening to: Nothing, to be honest
Reading: The clock – it says “Tue 2:28 AM” [[why can I not sleep?]]