The past few days have been somewhat fuzzy… I remember Friday night and then a lot of squealing from various women in my life, a lot of hugs, and a lot of “Congratulations!”
When I last wrote, I spoke of holding to things too tightly. For me over the last few months, one of those things has been the timing for Chris and I to get married. And, the past few months and especially last weekend at the Rock Retreat, it was finally something that I was able to let go.
In July, I prayed about my fears regarding life post-graduation. I voiced those fears in questions and speculation about things to come. I was so disheartened by waking up in the middle of the night and finding no one next to me that I could barely think about anything else. I wasted much of my time this summer in holding too tightly to what I thought should happen.
But I voiced my discontentment and prayed for grace. And, in the last few weeks especially, God has granted it, re-focusing my mind and my heart onto Scripture and people and ministry and just letting me rest in the knowledge that He has the whole thing under control.
My prayer last week was one based out of Andrew Murray’s “Absolute Surrender” from his book of the same name:
How beautiful is our salvation! How much I owe to Thee that can never be repaid!
O, how I long to utterly surrender, Jesus! How I long to have that heart which says, “All I have is Thine”! But I do not, so I ask it of You that You would give me that heart.
Whom have I to fear? Death and separation have no power over me! I have been placed with Christ in the heavenlies! To die is gain!
Let me be like the cup into which the tea is poured, empty and given up to the tea, and ready to not only stand but to fight for the Gospel in boldness and upon Truth.
And, as God has continued to teach me of these things and to increase this prayer, He has also granted me one of the deepest desires of my heart.
Friday night, Christopher asked me to marry him and I said, ‘Yes.” (Not that many, if any, people will be surprised by that). And, to be honest, I can’t even begin to describe the overwhelming emotions that come over me every time I think of the fact that this man is going to be my husband.
How good is the Lord, to allow foolish people a chance to do things right? To plan our futures and watch our every steps, working out the timing in perfect fashion? To love us who deserve nothing and yet give us the desires of our hearts?
It is still so surreal. Even now, the fact that there is now a ring on my left ring finger does nothing to dispel the inability of this to sink in. I’m going to marry Christopher Reynolds and be his wife, and that is an incredible thing!
Regardless, I still have five and a half weeks of school left, the end of which I am eagerly anticipating and dreading simultaneously. I’ve begun looking at jobs and will begin applying this week.
As for now, I’m working my third shift at the desk in the last 24 hours and I was up until 5:30 a.m. writing a paper for my history class last night, so I’m somewhat exhausted and ready to go to bed, especially since it is now 2:20 a.m. and I still have over an hour and a half left on my shift.
I figure I’ll maybe watch some television and write a letter to the love of my life. Sounds like a plan.
And now you know what’s new with me. Keep us in prayer. We’ll need it.
Mood: Euphoric Listening to: The Format, Dog Problems
Reading: Andrew Murray, Absolute Surrender