For much of the past months, I have battled with myself, struggling to put a finger on what it is that I am wanting in my daily relationship with Christ, but never willing to sit down and work through it – and so I continue in my old way of communion, and (while learning some) risk stagnancy because I dislike the thought of the change I so desperately yearn for.
But perhaps that battle is nearing its end as I have finally laid down my desires, my ‘mission statement’ (as I have my women do). The bigger battle is now at hand – striving to sit daily at Christ’s feet in so many things.
I want to study more deeply what I believe, taking what has been beat into my brain with my three trips through The Truth Project, and delving to greater depths to look more closely at how I, a believer in Jesus Christ, am to view the world.
I want to be faithful in seeking to center my marriage with Christopher more closely around Christ and what it means to seek the kingdom of God with fervor and diligence as a married couple. This means that I must seek to understand what it means both to find my significance in Christ and to learn how to fully love, respect, and serve my husband.
I want to lead better, with greater love, conviction, and confidence.
I want simply to take a running start and dive into the Word of God.
I want to be better and more readily equipped to speak with those who are of different beliefs, not out of pride or any other fleshly aspect, but out of the compassion that comes as a response in seeing the lies to which so many are held captive.
I want to worship God in reverence, awe, joy, and fear – musically, but especially in prayer.
I want to cultivate an unquenchable habit of turning to God in prayer and of desiring simply to sit at my Father’s feet.
I want to more regularly record what I am reading, learning, rejoicing in, etc., so that God’s handiwork might become memorial stones.
I want to learn about and re-discover attributes of God’s character and seek to see how different aspects of God’s character affect either my response to Him or the reflection of His image that I am to demonstrate.
I want to listen to messages by other teachers so that I might garner wisdom from men to whom God has blessed with wisdom.
I want to daily seek to serve my husband, both in ways physical and through prayer – reminding myself that my spiritual health is now linked to his.
There are a few others that I recorded, though some are redundant and some are not quite related to this topic. Perhaps the list will continue to grow, perhaps not.
The battle rages. Pray that I might make it daily to the feet of Christ.