Peace, Peace

Can I just say how much I appreciate Sara Groves and her ability to continually put forth album after album of music that is so incredibly good for my soul? This year, after having “It’s True” on my everyday playlist for more than a year, Christopher and I went ahead and purchased the rest of her Christmas Album, “O Holy Night.” All through December, I listened over and over to amazing words of songs that have been around for years – and felt as though I heard them for the first time, as Groves shaped the music around them in a different way.

One of my favorites is a song called “Peace, Peace”, which includes a line from “O Little Town of Bethlehem” – “All your hopes and fears are met in Him tonight.” What a beautiful line! And one that I have listened to countless times without actually understanding the profound nature of those words!

Peace, peace – it’s hard to find;
Trouble comes like a wrecking ball to your peace of mind,
and all that worry you can’t leave behind –
All your hopes and fears are met in Him tonight.

I usually love Christmas (and wrapping presents, which I could gush about for a while), but there was something so incredible about this Christmas. Early on, I began praying that my heart would be softened – that I would experience anew the incredible joy of our Savior’s advent.

The end of the fall was particularly rough for me in places, but so sweet in others. In the wake of my grandmother’s death, I finally found a perspective of what it means to hold to Christ all of our days – to walk with Him, to trust Him until the very end.

And I think that’s when it hit me that God loves me. It’s not this thing where He kind of tolerates me and decided that, since He was already saving a few others, I was available to throw into the bunch. Had that been the case, there would have been no need for things to have happened as they did.

To think that, not only did God humble Himself in becoming a baby boy in all of our human limitations, but He did so with the intent of taking on our filth so that we could be with Him each day of our lives on this earth – as well as the next day after we leave it.

I think I cried every day of the first two weeks of my winter break. Sometimes tears of sadness when I was overwhelmed by the still-new grief of my parents over their mothers’ deaths, but mostly tears of gratitude and joy – something I haven’t experienced in so much time I’m ashamed to admit to my lack of feeling.

God was faithful in answering my prayers that my heart be tender and softened for the season – all of my hopes and fears were met in Him.

Peace, peace – it’s hard to find;
Doubt comes like a tiny voice that’s so unkind,
and all your fears they conspire to unwind you.
All your hopes and fears are met in Him.

And, yet, it is difficult to return home. My hopes and fears here seem so very different than what they were when we were with our parents or at Faithwalkers and surrounded by our church family. I’m struggling to breathe the free air that I so easily experienced elsewhere. In my battle with apathy, I feel the ever-consuming urge to control what I doubt God can do. I’ve become laden with anxiety, my sleep has become erratic at best, and yet, still – All of my hopes and fears are met in Him tonight.

How splendid that my doubts and apathy have no effect on the goodness and glory of God – that even when I fail, He is still meeting all of my hopes and fears! My God is still in control over this mess that I continually make for myself. My God still rules the very air I breathe.

With that knowledge alone, I ought to (and can) have peace.

Peace, peace.

[[lyrics from “Peace, Peace” by Sara Groves, Ben Gowell and Aaron Fabbrini]]


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